Trump's perilous racket will do more than just stuff his pockets

Trump Tower. Trump Steaks. Trump University. Trump Watches. Trump cologne, candles, coins, robes, ornaments, towels, pens, gerbils, and gold-tipped suppositories. It’s hard to think of anything Trump hasn’t tried to monetize.

And now, from his premier fantasy collection, there’s Trump UN.

Last September, while Trump was busy solving eight wars that leaders of those countries say never started, never ended, or had nothing to do with him, Trump hatched a plan to line his own pockets with the misery in Gaza. He came up with a Gaza Board of Peace vested with magical powers to maintain order while steering private investments to his friends and family.

Billion-dollar racket

For a mere billion-dollar membership fee, you can join Trump’s Orwellian-themed Board of Peace and dine with the world’s most brutal dictators.

Trump, who invested his dad’s money in Middle East real estate decades ago, claimed last year that the U.S. would “run” Gaza, that he saw “long-term ownership” possibilities there. His “Riviera of the Middle East” proposal with son-in-law Jared Kushner floated luxury tourism and an economic hub, describing a “phenomenal location, on the sea, the best weather” with “unbelievable” potential.

The only hitch? Someone would first need to relocate more than two million desperately poor Palestinians who have nowhere else to go.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, no fan of international law or Palestinians, loved the concept. Arab leaders, not so much. Palestinians, leaders of surrounding Arab nations, and international organizations saw Trumps ‘Riviera’ as ethnic cleansing, ripe for war crimes under international law.

Trump’s peace deal didn’t survive

After widely congratulating himself for the Gaza ceasefire, Trump first mentioned a Gaza Board of Peace to govern reconstruction of the rubble pile last October. The ceasefire never really materialized — they’re still killing each other — but Trump’s Board idea took hold of his ego and ran with it.

As Trump originally designed it, the Board would provide a forum where Israel, the Palestinian Authority, and other Middle East countries could discuss political reforms and reconstruction of Gaza, the latter rife with private profit potential. Trump, who has already pocketed $1.4 billion in loose emoluments since re-assuming the presidency, magnanimously offered to serve as chairman.

By the time he got around to presenting the Board last week at Davos, it had become a barnacle attached to his id, distorted beyond recognition. The Times of Israel published the Board’s charter, announcing that it would “promote stability, restore dependable and lawful governance, and secure enduring peace in areas affected or threatened by conflict.”

The grandiosity of purpose was not limited to Gaza; as the Times of Israel noted, the charter doesn’t even mention Gaza. Instead Trump’s Board aspires to be a private, mini United Nations divvying up the spoils of war and operating under one thumb: Trump’s.

Democratic leaders politely declined

The Board is Trump’s power fantasy strutting on a catwalk. Under Trump’s plan, he personally gets to decide policies for the world and declare resolutions by majority vote, reserving veto power for himself. He also gets to name his successor, which, preliminarily, will be Don Jr. (when he isn’t in a helicopter slaughtering animals endangered by his dad’s climate ignorance).

Trump has crowned himself and his smirking spawn Chairmen of the Universe of Rogue Actors which includes the leaders of Hungary, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kosovo, Mongolia, Morocco, Pakistan, Paraguay, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Azerbaijan, Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, and Uzbekistan. They’re all royals or dictators or both, or they’re wannabes buying access. Their billion-dollar entrance fee is a solid investment in their oligarchs, not just in Gaza but around the globe.

When Trump presented the idea at Davos, EU leaders were already aghast at his Greenland blunder. When he invited Canada, the U.K, France, Germany, Italy, Poland and other European nations to join, the invitees had already gotten a good look at who he is, and what he is up to. Unsure whether to attribute Trump’s bombast to dementia, malice or some sick combination of hubris and ignorance, their unified response was to say no thank you, and back away.

What’s left for the Board to do?

While wrecking the global economy and trying to start a civil war at home to slake his midterm worries, Trump has awarded himself the power to “administer Gaza” even as European leaders roll their eyes and describe his derangement as “dangerous.” They are also walking the talk, pivoting away from Trump’s adulterated version of democracy.

This week India and the European Union closed a breakthrough free trade agreement reducing tariffs. German firms’ investments in China are at a four-year high. Working around Trump, Mexico, Canada and China are rapidly expanding their cooperation. Despite Trump’s stated goal of weakening China economically, his tariffs accelerated supply-chain reconfiguration, causing China’s 2025 trade surplus to surge to a record-breaking $1.2 trillion. After treating Venezuela like a real-estate acquisition, Trump can’t even convince his own big oil supporters to invest there.

Real leaders, in short, aren’t buying Trump’s “U.S. economy is hotter than ever” schtick or his Gaza “Peace” Board.

Trump thinks he can fool the world, but he can’t fool anyone outside the Fox News/Sinclair propaganda bubble. He will try to do his worst in Gaza, but the civilized world, fed up with Trump’s insanity, is moving on.

• Sabrina Haake is a columnist and 25+ year federal trial attorney specializing in 1st and 14th A defense. Her Substack, The Haake Take, is free.